Why I’m Not Eating Tina Fey’s Privilege Cake

I’ve wanted to write this for a week now, but I’m lazy af and have had other shit to do, like read various comments sections under several well-meaning, but seriously blinkered, Facebook articles and scream into my pillow.

Another white woman screaming into inanimate objects this past week has been my long-time idol and object of my most primal desires, Tina Fey. On last week’s Saturday Night Live she showed up on the Weekend Update segment in a University of Virginia sweatshirt looking like a sexy, brainy co-ed and educated the masses on the grassroots movement that is “sheetcaking.” If you haven’t seen this video you’re either dead or you’re someone who knows SNL has sucked for the past ten years and you’re better off wasting that hour of your life watching kitten videos on the internet. I feel you.

However, if anything can make SNL watchable, it’s Fey.  Her display of polite, white rage went viral and several of my very lovely, well-meaning white female friends shared it on social media with captions like; “this is EVERYTHING!!!!” Or “OMG YAAAAS!!” Or “THIS is how we fight Nazis, ladies.” And because you know me, I am one of your friends, I thought it might be useful for you to hear this from me. NO. Just NO.

I find it painfully tone deaf that a straight, wealthy white woman is preaching to those of us with skin in the game to essentially #resist the #resistance by stepping the fuck back. Let’s not forget it was straight, wealthy white woman who helped put the fetid pile of used sanitary products that is Trump in the Whitehouse. So…yeah, we’re done listening to you and your advice about how the rest of us, who actually have something to lose, should be behaving right now.

The best way I can think of, in these troubling times, to tell whether or not an opinion, or even a joke, is worth getting behind is to imagine it being said by lots of different people. If it’s still valid or it’s still funny, it’s all good. So can you imagine Jessica Williams telling us to stay home and eat our feelings in the face of Nazis stomping through our streets? How about Sarah Silverman or Ellen DeGeneres? Nope? Me neither. Know why? Because these women; a woman of colour, a Jew and a lesbian, are directly affected by the hate pustule that is pulsating aggressively on the surface of our beloved America, about to blow the fuck up.

I’m sure this blog will earn me the title of “butthurt” or “snowflake” or the combined “buttflake” but the fucks I give about this is zero. This display of utter un-wokeness by Fey is irresponsible in its lethargy. “Don’t scream at the Nazi, scream it into the cake.” NO. SCREAM AT THE NAZI! Show up to peaceful demonstrations like Boston did. Be a good ally! Bring fucking cake, sure, that’s never a bad idea. But bring it for snacking while protesting. Bring it to smear on a Men’s Rights Activist’s fragile masculinity. Bring it to give to the homeless people on the damn streets you’re protesting on, but PLEASE PROTEST!

As a Jewish American, the images of the Charlottesville Unite the Right Rally are burned into my brain forever. People waving swastika flags on American soil shouting “Jews will not replace us”??!! Damn. I volunteer my Jewish ass as tribute to replace each and every one of these horribly confused shitstains, but can’t help but wonder if anyone would miss them.

This is a time for us all to stand together, shoulder to shoulder against those who would see us eradicated. POC, Jews, Muslims, all our beautiful brothers and sisters on the LGBTQIA rainbow, let’s fucking do this. No infighting, no “our suffering is the worst suffering.” Just straight-up unity. That’s the only way we can fight against those with automatic weapons, and the backing of the United States Government, who believe that it’s white America who are the disenfranchised, the victims. Who seek to “take their country back” from we who are supposedly hijacking it from under their steel-toed boots.

Don’t encourage any more white people to stay at home, Tina Fey. Don’t tell them to funnel their rage into baked goods. Funnel it into writing or calling your state representative and telling them that Trump’s soft stance on white supremacy in America is NOT yours. Funnel it into joining a local group like Indivisible and peacefully protesting this insanity. Funnel it into speaking out and into LISTENING! Those of us who are nervous have the right to be, listen to why we don’t feel safe. I look white as hell, but I’ve got a soft, warm, jewy centre that is terrified of how our world is unravelling.

Wake up, cis, Christian white women and be on the right side of history. We do not need your advice to eat more carbs, we need your ass beside us, like the incredibly brave and compassionate late Heather Heyer who got the fuck out of bed because she knew that “if you’re not outraged, you’re not paying attention.” We should all be outraged and if you’re not, consider why not. Is it because you think that what’s happening doesn’t affect you? It will eventually and I guarantee it is already affecting many of your friends and loved ones. Cake is not enough.

 

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